i have not written for quite some time now. the main reason is because i have been unable to determine what it is i have to tell you all. feelings i have been experiencing have certainly been profound but also mixed. however, the the overwhelming feeling is a thought i guess; it's that people all around me are suffering and struggling and i want to find a way to be with them. i want them to know that they are loved, that they do not struggle alone, and that sometimes life fucking sucks but that most other times it is the greatest gift we could ever experience. and that's why we are here, to grow in and enjoy life
together.
the last time that i wrote was one week before my grandfather passed away. he died from a cancer of the blood on october 8, 2008. he was an incredible man who lived a hard and beautiful life. i had the opportunity to travel home, be with my family and be present for all of the celebration of his life.
because of his life and dedication, i had decided to volunteer at the divina providencia hospital. he was an oncologist and was passionate about serving the patients and families affected by the disease. (i posted his death notice in the other post)
in the past few months i have had the great, distinguished gift and pleasure of accompanying my friend Concepcion, she was diagnosed this year with a terminal blood cancer, like leukemia. her name, for short, is Conchita. but all of us at the hospital got into the habit of calling her Mama Conch or Mama Con (both worked). the reason that i spent time with her is that she, unfortunately has no family here in el salvador and was close to abandoned by her community. but everyday that i was with her, she would walk around and greet every single person in the small hospital. she gave me a lot of love, and i, her.
i visited her every wednesday and friday and last went to visit her on friday november 31. while there, she recounted stories of her youth. one in particular was about her husband. she has told me about how madly in love with him she was. and she told me "we shared everything. we always ate from the same plate and we drank from the same cup. and, we shared a bed a little smaller than this twin size bed." and, in response i said, "que amor."--"what love." to which she responded, "que pobresa."--"what poverty." the womyn knew suffering, she knew loss, and she knew poverty, civil war and cancer. she knew love, patience, her God, and death.
today when i arrived to her room, she was no longer there. i was told that i could go see her down below. i sat with her body in the morgue until the pick-up came to take her home. she was from Ciudad Arce, El Salvaodor. she, like my grandfather, was 82 when she died of blood cancer just this morning at 6:30a.m. i hope to share the gifts she shared with me with people who i come to encounter. i will tell you more stories about her, i promise. because as trena tells me, the only death that is a death is the forgotten death. that won't happen to conchita. although she was scared when she became close to death, she was ready to go. i had no idea it would be so quick.
buen viaje amiga mia. no voy a olvidarte, has tocado mi corazon.
she was a beautiful womyn and deserves the world.
conchita and me ("la gringita, kati") the last day that i saw her
